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Writer's pictureAriana Friedlander

No one wants to be THAT person

For a few years now I've been annoyed that I keep getting emails after I unsubscribe from a list. It feels violating. It has made me seethe - unsubscribing takes time and effort.


It's frustrating when my boundaries are disrespected.


The other week, new information inspired me to do an inventory of my own email list. I was aghast to learn people that unsubscribed were still getting emails 😳!


That's not ok with me.

So now we are working to remedy this 21st century mortal sin. After all, no one wants to be THAT person.


It got me thinking, how easy it is to point fingers with an air of superior judgment - "how dare they..." cut me off in traffic....be so irresponsible....take advantage of....spam my inbox after i unsubscribed (or worse yet, spam me when I never agreed to join their list)!


It's easy to point fingers at others.

It's much harder to get radically honest when the perpetrator is me, myself and I! To take responsibility and admit making a mistake is vulnerable.


And it makes sense, being called out for messing up or causing harm is alarming. It triggers our self-defenses out of fear of being ostracized or rejected.  The possibility of not belonging threatens our very survival.


There's a little kid inside of all us that worries we've made an unforgivable mistake and reacts accordingly.


This is what leads to people avoiding accountability by point fingers or covering up wrongdoings. We don't want to be THAT person because it's easier to pretend we are infallible and therefore "safe" than to acknowledge our imperfections.


And yet, we are all fallible and imperfect humans. 

Mistakes are where we learn. Bob Ross famously says, "happy little accidents" because he incorporates mistakes into his art like someone just threw him a surprise party - oh, how exciting!


Sure, it might be embarrassing or disappointing or worrisome to acknowledge our wrong doings. I know I felt sucker punched when I realized I was inadvertently spamming people - doh!


But I value integrity and my ego can handle admitting wrong doing. That's what wholehearted leaders do.


Model integrity by owning up when mistakes happen.


We say, whoops! I'm sorry if I spammed you. I'm taking steps to cleanup the mess behind the scenes (keep an eye out for said email). And I sincerely apologize for cluttering your inbox.


And you know what happens, we build trust! By admitting our mistakes we demonstrate integrity, humility and respect.


And I might now have a little more sympathy for those dashed unsubscribes. It turns out tech isn't always seamless and perfect either! After all, it was created by humans.

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