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Writer's pictureAriana Friedlander

Learning to do tired well

As a baby, whenever I was tired my Mom put me down for a nap and I slept blissfully. At some point, I stopped napping when I was tired. Instead, I learned to push through as though everything was alright, despite my body and brain running on empty.


Except, it wasn't alright.


Pushing through looked like me getting easily agitated. Negativity took hold of my thoughts as mental clarity evaded me. And I vacillated between angry outbursts and tears of despair.


I didn't do tired well.


Everything felt like a struggle, which further upset me. And in those moments of fatigue, I believed I was an utter failure because simple things became insurmountable obstacles.


Things don't have to be so hard when you're tired.


At some point, I learned to tamper my expectations when my energy was depleted. My despair was directly correlated with an unfair belief that I should be capable of always being highly functional. Constantly being the best of my best.


Knowing the signs.


In the last few years, I've learned to identify the signs I'm tired. Mental lethargy. Physical exhaustion. Heightened sensitivity. Decision fatigue. Overwhelm from simple tasks.


I'm also able to predict when I'm likely to feel tired. When my schedule is packed tightly.

When I travel. When I'm laboring emotionally. When the days get shorter. When daylight savings happens.


Prioritizing gentle progress.


Whereas years ago, I lamented when I was tired, chastising myself for being so bad at it. I now set myself up to do tired well by prioritizing gentle progress.


I have removed the negative self-talk and unfair pressure I used to put on myself. All of which just took up precious energy and bandwidth. Creating friction where there was a dearth of energy to respond appropriately.


Embracing compassion.


Because I'm no longer creating resistance with my unrealistic expectations and negative thoughts, I'm able to be whole and complete. I show myself compassion and love. Allowing myself to progress gently is freeing and expansive.


Sometimes gentle progress looks like doing restorative yoga. Other times, it's sending only the most important emails out. Or defrosting chicken soup for dinner so I can take a cat nap on the couch.


Listening to my body and my heart.


In all cases, gentle progress allows me to shut off my tendency to over-think and escape the spiral of despair. Instead, I listen to my body and my heart.


This is only temporary.


Being tired, isn't the end of the world I once thought it was. It is an inevitable part of our human condition.


Life happens. Our energy gets depleted at a greater rate than it's rejuvenated. We get tired - emotionally, physically, spiritually. And we recover.


Feeling tired is temporary. It's the space we occupy before we refuel. We could lament about it - judging ourselves and our output. Or we could embrace it as a reminder of this one precious life we have.


What if feeling tired is an invitation for self-care?


While a part of me wishes I felt amazing all of the time, I'm proud of myself for learning to do tired well. To accept these moments as an invitation to care for myself, evaluate my priorities and establish my boundaries is freeing.


What helps you do tired well?


It would be great if we lived in a world where we always got adequate sleep and never felt exhausted. Alas, that's not our reality. So we must lean-in and learn how to do tired well.


If you're feeling tired, remember you're not alone. This is only temporary. And you too have the power to do tired well! Wishing you gentle progress in this season and always.

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