After 13 years in business, I've had my fair share of pivoting.
I abandoned the initial offer I built my business around before I even launched. I've
developed detailed plans for a variety of programs that didn't pan out. And I've conducted more experiments than there are weeds in my garden.
At some point, things not going according to plan became traumatizing.
Mishaps felt like major slights. Rejection pierced my heart. And every ounce of effort I extended to put myself out there felt like running a marathon.
As a result, I started to feel like a complete failure.
But the thing is, it's quite normal for plans to go awry. In fact, it's an oft quoted topic. So, why was this reality so demoralizing to me?
At the time, I was struggling with assorted hard stuff in life that left me feeling overwhelmed, and burned out. I was spent. Tapped out. Running on empty. Emotionally incapacitated. Frazzled. And exhausted.
If you don't have the internal resources to deal with setbacks, they can have a devastating effect. This is why a seemingly insignificant event is no big deal one time. Then causes a breakdown another time.
The HeartMath Institute defines resilience as, "the capacity to prepare for, recover from and adapt in the face of stress, challenge or adversity."
For years, I struggled navigating my reality because I didn't have the capacity nor was I prepared to rebound.
I didn't have capacity because I kept trying to forge ahead without addressing my inner battery. I was stuck in socially established limiting beliefs that there's no gain without pain. I thought I had to be exceptional and always producing in order to have worth as a person. In other words, "getting things done" was more important than caring for my well being.
I wasn't prepared because I was motivated by the anticipated results of my plans. I couldn't even let myself consider they might not pan out. I saw my plans as zero sum games because
I believed that I needed to have it ALL figured out in order to succeed.
That combination of my lack of capacity and unpreparedness was a recipe for an unrelenting loop of devastation when things didn't go according to plan.
This is a reality I have found a number of my clients are currently facing.
Unanticipated personal struggles are unrelenting. High stress levels at work aren't just situational, they're perpetual. Those two things combined with COVID trauma have contributed to a perfect storm where the stark contrast between expectations and reality feel unbearable.
Such feelings can easily lead to demoralizing beliefs of not being good enough or worse, being a complete failure.
It is helpful to know we are not alone in such challenging moments. In fact, navigating such tricky terrain is a normal part of our shared human experience.
I'm pleased to share that, after working through things, I'm now in a different place. Things still don't go according to plan. But instead of feeling demolished, I show myself compassion, and mourn the loss.
I wonder - What unexpected opportunity is this challenge inviting me to explore? And I get curious.
Instead of castigating myself as a complete and utter failure, I see myself going through a process of refinement. Sometimes my plans need to be abandoned entirely, but more often than not, I'm simply evolving them based on lessons learned.
Reframing these moments from failures to an ongoing process of refinement has been empowering. I no longer have unrealistic expectations that I need to have "it ALL figured out." I'm not stuck seeing my progress as an all or nothing gain. And what's even better, my work has reached new levels of success.
On the note of refinement, I'm at another inflection point of evolution with my business and my services. These changes are starting to be reflected on my website. What's more, I now see these shifts as starting point. I have plans for what's next along with an openness to refine those plans based on lessons learned from my latest efforts.
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