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Writer's pictureAriana Friedlander

"Did you miss me?"

Updated: 6 days ago

A few weeks ago, I reached out to a friend I made on Groove (a virtual co-working app that I LOVE - seriously, check it out) to check-in on her. We'd been Grooving together regularly but I hadn't heard from her in a while and I knew she had a lot going on.


wolf pact

Her reply filled me up!


"Thank you SO much for this check-in. To be missed is such an important piece of belonging.

I appreciate this more than you know 🤗"


"To be missed is an important piece of belonging."

This sentence captures so much nuance and a basic fact of life. We all yearn for belonging. As humans, we are hardwired for it.


Like wolves, we are pack animals.

We need our pack to survive. Which is why the felt sense of belonging is a powerful indicator of our safety. When we feel like we've found our pack, we feel safe, secure, protected, cared for, connected. We are able to relax. Our thinking is more creative, expansive, empathetic and rational.


When we don't feel like we belong, we are more likely to perceive threats.

We might mistake a sideways glance as an off-putting judgment. When crossing someone in the hall that fails to say hi, we might think they don't like us. Small, seemingly innocent gestures feel like affronts because we are on high alert. Our thinking becomes myopic and I-centered and we get attached to our positions as our primitive brain runs the show to protect and preserve oneself.


Wholehearted leaders foster belonging

There isn't a universal rule book for what it takes to foster a sense of belonging because our perceptions are dependent on the cultural context we were raised in. Take into consideration how a gesture, like shaking someone's hand, can mean something different depending on the culture. Therefore, wholehearted leaders are attuned to the people who makeup their community while striving to foster inclusiveness.


That said, people generally want to feel like they matter. As my friend said, being missed is an important part of belonging. Being missed signals that we matter.


There are a few simple ways to show people they matter.

Listening to understand a co-worker's predicament. Showing genuine care and concern for others. Exhibiting respect for someone's point of view. Extending trust by practicing appropriate vulnerability. Acknowledging when we've made a mistake. Taking responsibility for harm caused (even when it was unintentional) and repairing the rupture.


Fostering a sense of belonging doesn't require an extensive strategy or budget. It's a matter of leaning into our uniquely human qualities and embracing the simple fact that we need each other.


It's a simple note to check-in and let someone know you were thinking of them.

So, the next time you notice yourself missing someone that's still reachable, take a moment to touch base. It'll probably mean more to them than you realize!

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