My goal for this journal was to earn more money while still enjoying a good quality of life and having time to learn and grow. Money in and of itself has never been a good motivator for me. I might feel inspired by the prospect of cash for a brief moment. But it does not sustain my focus on longterm goals.
Enjoying quality of life, living purposefully, making a positive impact and learning motivate me. New and exciting challenges invigorate me. But alas, those things do not pay my mortgage. So, I had to learn to earn more without selling out. Which meant I had to continue working on a lot of things at once.
The hardest part about the Earn, Live & Learn goal is to attract opportunities that align instead of pursuing things out of desperation. When you are stressing about where your next client is going to come from the worst thing you can do is fixate on that. And yet, you need to learn how to make a concerted effort that pays off.
1/13-6/13
1/6/13 – Goal 3 make more money and have time for learning/growing. Encourage self to remember that I must stay in motion 1/8/13 – Start writing in the morning 1/9/13 – Had yet another learning experience. It seems I keep on learning from adversity. 1/10/13 – Feel disappointed and frustrated with how long things take. Plus realize I don’t know what I’m doing….again. Decide to own what I own since I cannot control others. 1/11/13 – Feel like a fraud but keep going anyway 1/12/13 – Figuring out the whole, “plan your work and work your plan” thing. Want to systematize my business. Grapple with issues planning. Reconnect with centering question. 1/20/13 – Start to feel like I am manifesting real and legitimate help with my business. 1/28/13 – Realize it would help if I had my to do’s better scripted so I don’t get carried away with my emotions controlling my actions 1/31/13 – Finding ways to be more focussed while working. But feel like my vision is drab because I just want to feel more organized. Reading Brene Brown. I get stuck because I get scared about putting myself out there. 2/4/13 – Start to experiment with my morning routine and my bad un-habits. Convince self of the value of EntrepreNerds 2/7/13 – Feel like I am figuring it out even though I still don’t know what I am doing and am making it up as I go 2/10/13 – Get pissed about how other people run their business and identify things for my don’t do list. Finally feeling like I am getting good support 2/12/13 – Making an effort to let go of fleeting moments – the good and the bad. Acknowledge how things have changed since I started my business 2/13/13 – Contemplate how to reconcile business smart with innovative 2/15/13 – Figuring out how to cleanup a messy situation…go ape shit with Your Best Just Got Better exercises 2/18/13 – Decide I need to make little improvements in my workflow habits daily & ID my Big 5 and MIT’s (Most Important Things) 2/20/13 – Feel like nothing is ever enough. Re-center with positive affirmations 2/26/13 – Struggling to stay organized and focussed. Identified priorities for the day 2/28/13 – Feeling the exhaustion of working hard and remind self to center with breath 3/2/13 – Beating self up for botched attempt at networking. Decide I need to focus on showing up and being present rather than being recognized 3/14/13 – Learn about mindfulness and emotion regulation 3/21/13 – Deciding what I do based on what I feel like doing is not productive 3/21-3/27/13 – Track energy 3/22/13 – On a roll, wanting to be more efficient and know that getting things out of my head is an important first step. Contemplate the EntrepreNerds profit center. 3/27/13 – Enter sales meeting with a listen first attitude and get to the next level with ease 4/5/13 – Panic about where my next clients will come from and decide to take it one day at a time 4/6/13 – Start developing my own models for consulting, Participatory Facilitation is gestating 4/14/13 – Read old journals and decide it’s the best habit I have. Learning to feel my emotions without judging them 4/24/13 – Mind racing so choose to put one foot in front of the other 4/25/13 – Call upon signs of my entrepreneurial spirit from the past 5/2/13 – Want to take my business to the next level and feel overwhelmed. Introduced myself as an entrepreneur for the first time ever. 5/4/13 – Realize there are some people you should just ignore because they are cruel, insecure or projecting their own issues. Decide taking my business to the next level means making investments 5/6/13 – Putting myself out there for business brings up childhood issues of not feeling like I belong and idolizing certain people…realize I need to stop expecting things from making a new connection and to focus on connecting instead 5/12/13 – Redefine what success looks like for me 5/13/13 – Got more unproductive advice that I latched onto anyway…got annoyed by someone else not walking the talk and vow not to be like them 5/15/13 – Explore link between what I want to do more of and my purpose 5/18/13 – Continue to struggle with need for positive affirmations 5/21/13 – Got totally burned by a number of people at the same time. Trying to make sense of it all. Realize I am all alone. Strive to find calm and faith within. 6/3/13 – Decide I want to learn how to 1) let go 2) trust that things will workout 3) turn around negativity 4) manifest wealth and success 6/10/13 – Jumped the gun on an opportunity and wonder if I’m making more work for myself than necessary 6/15/13 – Got a scholarship to #BIF9, which I applied for on a whim – small victory countered by difficult questions from spouse about my business 6/17/13 – Overwhelmed choosing what investments to make in my business…which I feel I “need to do”. Advise self to take deep breaths. 6/18/13 – Disappointed the E+ Awards didn’t spread like wildfire. Contemplate how realistic my expectations are 6/19/13 – Reconnect with my motives for the E+ Awards and realize it’s about purpose not recognition for me so get off my high horse
This is where my transformation starts to kick-into high gear. My old ways of thinking and acting were slowly falling by the wayside. I was becoming more aware of my patterns (likely from reading past journals) and how I was holding myself back as a result. I also had a more clear sense of the steps I needed to take to move forward.
My journaling practice began to transform at this time as well from following Jason Womack’s prompts in his book, Your Best Just Got Better. In addition to writing stream of consciousness, I started processing more specific ideas in my journal. That is how you leverage a bright spot to make positive change happen!
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