Breaking the silence

I went to a Quaker middle school. Every Wednesday we had meeting. In the Quaker tradition, meeting is a worship practice in community where everyone sits in silence until someone (anyone) is moved by God (or Spirit) to speak.

It might surprise you to hear this, but as bunch of middle schoolers, we sat in silence 99.9% of the time. Speaking in front of everyone was a mortifying idea in and of itself. Add to that the notion that these words came straight from God and I do believe we all doubted our worthiness to speak up.

While teenagers might seem rowdy, loud, vocal, and uncouth, Meeting showed just how unsure and insecure we really were.

I remember the one time many of us did speak up. It was after a beloved staff member had passed away. It started with the adults standing up to share memories and reflections about this person. Slowly but surely, students joined in.

Breaking the silence felt so hard. Staying quiet was easy. Shifting into my voice was like fighting against invisible marinate strings pinning me to my seat, keeping my jaw clenched shut.

First I had to decide to speak. Then standup. And lastly, but not least, find my words and use my voice.

My heart pounding in my chest. Palms sweaty. Fists clenched. A surge of adrenaline propelled me up. Eyes upon me, my jaw slackened and words emerged.

Sitting down afterward, I felt like I was spinning adrift. Shocked. Amazed. Nervous. Proud.

I have absolutely no recollection of what I said. Just the visceral sensation of making the effort to break the silence. And the aftermath, butterflies taking up residence in my stomach for the rest of the day.

We all have parts of ourselves that are like scared middle schoolers in Quaker Meeting. Unsure of our worthiness to speak. Doubtful that we have the right words. Wanting to belong and fit in. Desperate to feel seen and heard. Fearful of the repercussions.

When you have a habit of not speaking up, breaking the silence takes courage. There's often a lot of chatter encouraging you to stay quiet. And it feels immensely uncomfortable to use your voice.

And yet, the cost of staying quiet is a wrenching loss that's never acknowledged. Without speaking up your voice, your perspective, your story goes unheard. When silence prevails, you are not witnessed, honored or included.  When you stay quiet, you suffer alone. And nothings changes.

Now is the time to break the silence. To find your voice. To speak up and out. To share your ideas. To express your needs and feelings. To take up space. To contribute. To catalyze growth, change and progress.

What do you need to break the silence and speak your truth?