Tag Archives: Values

Embracing Failure to Succeed!?!?!?!

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander

thomasedisonThere are many adagios about innovation and success being predicated on failure and mistakes. Some of history’s most accomplished individuals say it is so.

Thomas Edison once proclaimed, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that do not work”

Now that’s dedication!

This witty remark is from Woody Allen, “If you’re not failing, you’re not trying anything.”

How’s that for reframing failure.

And Beverly Sills gave this retort, “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.”

So in other words, fear not and go forth! Failure isn’t a bad thing; it’s a reality of a life fully lived. Don’t let the potential for failure hold you back from creating your dream.

Sometimes, what we intellectually know and what we deep down believe are two different things. I recently realized that while I understood the importance of failing forward towards success I didn’t want to believe that I might actually fail. “Oh no the horror of failing!”

I dream big, but I don’t always step forward into acting on those dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take risks. But setting my sights on a big dream and putting myself out there to potentially fail publicly feels rather daunting (and humiliating). I realize now my predominant thought process went like this, “I’m willing to make mistakes as long as people know I don’t make epic failures.”

How did I come to realize this rather disturbing limiting belief? Well, you know how they say to not take anything personally (and by they I mean Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements). It’s a good rule of thumb because most people’s actions, comments, etc. are not a reflection of you, but are a result of their own insecurities…

One day in the not so distant past I caught myself being pretty critical of others. Not just any people, I was being harshly critical of some entrepreneurs that I know who had dreamed big, got a few years into their journey and failed. As I reflected on my judgmental thoughts (yes, I admit I can be judgmental, but I strive to not be), I realized that I wasn’t just criticizing an element of their business, I was questioning their effort in general; why did they even bother! That’s a rather blasphemous thought for me to have given the values I hold near and dear.

Sure, there might have been problems with their business model, or ways that they led their organization asunder. But I truthfully don’t know that much about their situations to be so discerning. What I do know is that these people had the courage to show up and a willingness to be vulnerable that I’m aspiring to. And that’s the thing about vulnerability, people (the one’s whose respect is worth having) don’t judge you so harshly for “epic failures.” In fact, there’s a lot of respect to be gained from putting yourself out there, taking a risk and going for it. And while my own insecurities caused me to interpret someone’s failure negatively other’s saw character, creativity and strength.

That is how I learned that I needed to shift my perceptions, because acting on big dreams means putting yourself out there without any certainty of the outcomes. I’m embracing failure to succeed so that I may go forth into the unknown world of possibility.

We all have different fears or limiting beliefs that hold us back. I don’t know the obstacles that you need to overcome. But I will encourage you to take some time to develop awareness of how your own fear of failure manifests. Start by reflecting on the moments you find yourself being critical of the “failures” of others. What did they do? Why is their failure such a bad thing? And how does your critique reflect on your own actions or lack there of?

Attributing Value

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander

Photo by Tax Credits

We all have different things we hold in high value. The parent of a toddler values their personal time. The recent college graduate values the ability to pay off their student loans while doing what they enjoy. A business person values the client that matches their expectations. And the teacher values a student that fully engages in learning.

When attributing value to something, we assume that it’s shared. I belong to a business group where I’m supposed to be able to get a question that’s worth $1,000 answered by my colleagues every month. Unfortunately, I’m not getting such a return from the group, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable. It just so happens that I value $1,000 differently than I value the insight I gain. But since the value that’s been attributed to the group is monetary, I’m experiencing a disconnect.

It is easy to compare value with money, material goods and things that are easy to quantify. But the things we value most, don’t translate easily to such tangible outcomes. So why do we keep grasping at straws to compare the value of what our businesses offer in these antiquated ways?

One reason is because we assume that people are rational and logical when we are actually emotional by nature.  Given such a false assumption we don’t typically know what people truly value. Frank Bettger said, “A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing – one that sounds good and a real one.” Money sounds good but it isn’t the real reason; it doesn’t actually speak to the things that people deeply care about.

To understand what people truly value, you have to go into research mode. Your best bet is to ask people questions that will indirectly provide insight and analyze their answers for common themes or patterns. For example, What’s important to you? What would make your job a lot easier right now? What would drastically improve the quality of your life right now? What keeps you up at night?

Then observe their behavior in comparison to their answers. Someone might say they value other people’s opinions yet whenever someone else is talking, their eyes wander, they check their cell phone, tap their foot and seem to be off in la-la land. Our actions, more truthfully, demonstrate our values as there’s often a disconnect between what one espouses versus what they practice (remember there’s the reason that sounds good and the real reason).

So the next time you’re attributing value to something in an effort to gain the support of others take a moment to consider the deeper  implications rather than the obvious, easily quantifiable reasons.

The Easiest Way to Fire a Client is to Never Get Hired by them in the First Place

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander

You're FiredWe’ve all worked with some clients that we’d rather just fire for various reasons. Either they’re demanding, have unrealistic expectations, are noncommunicative, disrespectful, don’t value you or maybe they’re plain unethical. No matter the specifics, the jist is – they’re not a good fit and therefore are not your ideal client.

It is a common myth to think it is better to have the wrong clientele than no customer at all! These customer misfits will cost you dearly. They impact employee morale, take up valuable time, and they attract more bad customers to you. Ultimately, it is in your best interest to fire these customers and focus on attracting and serving your ideal client.

Your ideal client is someone that you’ll enjoy working with, generate a viable profit from and create the most valuable impact for. Identifying and connecting with this caliber of customer is important because one of the most deadliest things for a business to do is target a clientele that is not ideal!

Of course, the easiest way to fire a client is to never get hired by them in the first place. To do that, you need to have a general understanding of your ideal client. Truthfully, you need to know more about them than just their demographics, or psychographics. You need to know what they care about, how they behave and what they’re experiencing. To help define your ideal client try answering these 4 questions:

  1. What does your ideal client value?  What is of the utmost importance to them?
  2. What are they experiencing when they need your products/services?  
  3. What behaviors do they exhibit that align with your own business practices?
  4. What kinds of clients do you dislike working with?

This type of exercise requires some time and space for quiet reflection as well as a deep level of self-awareness.  It is helpful to understand the way your own business operates as well as the values that guide you professionally.  The ideal client aligns with your own values, practices and expectations.  The things that are important to them should also be important to you!

Understanding what your ideal client is experiencing is invaluable.  This idea goes way beyond identifying the problem you’re solving.  It is about empathizing with and recognizing the complexity of their situation.  Consider the emotions, the challenges and  the other obstacles that go along with whatever it is they’re experiencing.

The third question can pose a real challenge for some folks but this is how you’re able to differentiate between someone that seems like an ideal client and someone that is actually an ideal client.  Sometimes the easiest way to answer this question is by reflecting on the clients you dislike working with and specifically considering why.  There’s usually a certain type of behavior or lack-there-of that makes them difficult, frustrating, draining and demanding to work with.

Once you have an understanding of who your ideal client is, the next step is to apply this knowledge to your business development efforts.  Consider ways you can improve your marketing, messaging, networking and sales process to better connect with your ideal client.  And begin evaluating the fit of potential clients by looking for indicators of their values, experiences and behavior before you begin working with them.  Like everything else in business, this too is a continuous process of re-evaluation as shifts and lessons learned will inevitably effect the makeup of your ideal client!

The Power of Working for a Purpose

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander

Circa 1945 from Seattle Municipal Archives

Over the weekend I heard an interview on NPR with Corey Sharp, a DEMCO worker restoring electricity in Louisiana.  With Hurricane Issac making landfall just last week, the treturous conditions have resulted in many communities without power.  And Melissa Block’s interview with Corey caught my attention as he beamed with pride because his work had a purpose, “definitely it’s a good feeling, you know, putting people’s electricity back on”

When Melissa Block observed, that to restore power he would have to work through the weekend and therefore be “laboring on labor day,” Corey didn’t even seem to notice.

He laughed and responsed, “I definitely will be laboring on Labor Day. It’s OK. It’s OK. It’s what I’m here for. No big deal.”  This struck me, I don’t remember the last time I heard someone sound so proud to work on labor day.  All I usually hear (and have likely cavetched about myself), are people complaining about not getting the holiday off like everyone else.

Maybe that’s the difference between working just for a paycheck versus working for a purpose.  The difference being between external (paycheck) or internal (purpose) motivators.  One of these is more powerful a motivator than the other.  You guessed it…..purpose will motivate people to strive for more, to take pride in their work and achieve greater outcomes.

Believe it or not, there’s actually proof of this, numerous studies have been conducted to compare the productivity of workers receiving external rewards as motivators against those motivated intrinsically.  They found that the extrinsic motivator of money only increased productivity so much before plateauing.  Whereas, the intrinsic motivators, purpose, challenge and autonomy, resulted in significantly better outcomes for employers.

Why is this?  You might ask!  Because, contrary to popular belief, people are more motivated when they’re work has a deeper meaning.  Have you ever worked for a boss that constantly drilled improving the bottom line?  I have and can attest to the fact that it only provides so much of an incentive.  After a while, you get tired of working your ass off just so someone else can take a fancy vacation.  And many bosses mistakenly think that if they offer just a bit more of a reward, a bit more money, that you’ll make magic happen.

But the reality is, most people are not that shallow.  Sure, it’s great getting time and a half for working on a holiday.  But it is even better working for a purpose, making a positive impact in your community and helping others.  That’s when people stop complaining about work and embrace their responsibilities with pride; that’s the power of working for a purpose.

The Networking Fallacy – 7 Steps to Authentic and Effective Networking

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander
Networking

Conversation Abounds in Networking Groups

If you’ve ever been to a networking event, then you’ve likely met that person that bustles around the room meeting as many people as possible to give their business cards to.  When you meet, there’s usually this feigned interest in what you do, then they quickly turn the conversation onto why you should do business with them followed by exchanging cards with you before they move onto their next conquest in the room.

You might be envious of this outgoing networker’s fervor.  Well don’t be!  Card pushing, heartless blaber-mouthing and pushy sales tactics are not effective ways for building valuable professional relationships that last.

So many people mistakenly think that networking is a matter of getting down a good elevator speech, going to as many events as possible and passing out cards to every breathing soul in the room.  Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not the case.

Networking is about making valuable connections so you can build relationships with colleagues and potential clients.  But in order for those connections to be valuable and the relationships to be genuine and fruitful, you need to target the RIGHT kind of group and put in concerted time and effort to your endeavors.

With it being the “year of the Meetup,” I probably don’t need to tell you about the growing number of networking opportunities.  I’m pretty sure there’s at least three networking events going on in Fort Collins every weekday.  I’ve gone to as many as four networking events in one day.

You can quickly burn out if you try to make every networking opportunity (trust me, I know), not to mention you’ll waste a lot of time networking in groups that aren’t a match (yup, been there and done that too).  Ideally, you want to network with groups that align with your target audience.  They should share common values with you, demonstrate an ability to provide value to you all while you’re being your authentic self.  So how do you connect with a group that’s a fit for you?  Follow these 7 steps to Authentic and Effective networking:

  1. Know Thyself – Before you start hitting the streets, you should answer a few important questions: First, you have to know a bit about yourself, what you like, value and enjoy.  Secondly you have to know a bit about your ideal connection, describe who they are, what they’re like and the capacity you’d like to work with them.  Having an understanding of these things will help you to network most effectively.
  2. Be Authentic – Be true in how you’re representing yourself.  Don’t try to be someone you’re not, or you know straight up lie to pretend you have something in common with someone.
  3. Connect with the Right People – If the people you want to connect with (i.e. CEO’s, HR Managers, Controllers, complimentary service providers, etc.) are not participating in the groups you’re checking out then it is probably a waste of time.  Make the most of your efforts by joining groups that will provide the most valuable connections for your business.
  4. Find a Group You Enjoy - While it is important to stretch beyond your comfort zone, you shouldn’t put yourself in a room with a bunch of suits and ties if it’s not your style.  There are many benefits to participating in a group you like being a part of: first, you’re more likely to be your authentic self and and secondly, you’ll want to participate in the group over time.
  5. Connect with People Emotionally – Chances are, you can find something in common with most people you’ll meet.  Things as simple as where you grew up, favorite restaurants, hobbies, family or work experience can provide an opportunity to ease into conversation so you may make a real emotional connection with someone.
  6. Stick With It – Building meaningful and valuable relationships takes time.  When you join a networking group commit to spending at least six months as an active member.  If you’re not there, you’re not demonstrating the quality of your character or the value you have to offer.  In short, absenteeism makes a non-impression on people.
  7. Hold One-On-One Meetings – When you perceive a genuine connection with a fellow member, get to know them by scheduling a coffee or lunch meeting.  This is a great opportunity for you both to learn more about each other’s businesses and for you to demonstrate value while seeking the value they can bring to you.

With years of networking experience behind me, I’ve developed a keen insight to determine when someone I meet is or is not a good fit for me to develop a working relationship with.  Simply put, if I see a misalignment I don’t pursue developing a deeper connection with that person.  While it may be tempting to work the numbers game of sales, when it comes to networking go for quality not quantity!

Among the Things I’ve Learned from My Father: Doing Favors for Others

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander
Ariana Performing in HMS Pinnafore

Performing in HMS Pinnafore!

Flash back to Middle School!

We were finally performing the HMS Pinafore, and the night of the final performance, select students were given the opportunity to spend the night at school for a stage breakdown party.  I was not one of those select students, and having already felt like the social outcast of Middle School (an entirely unique experience ;) ), I was rather distraught.

It was not fair.  Behaving much the way a Middle Schooler does, I cried, yelled, and maybe even flailed about.  Desperate for things to be made right, I complained to my Dad.  He had done a favor (on what I cannot recall) for the teachers organizing this little party in the recent past and I wanted him to remind them of his help in a way that would demand they invite me to the party.

He responded solemnly to my plead, “I will not do that.  You don’t do a favor for someone, Ariana, just to throw it back in their face.”

Ariana and her Dad Birthday pic

My 16th Birthday with my Dad

That stuck with me (obviously, there are plenty of instances when I’m sure I missed out on learning opportunities like this).  Ever since then I’ve held strong to the belief that you help another out of a desire to give; because you want to contribute to creating a positive difference.  And  you do not do a favor for someone to later manipulate them for selfish gain!  Luckily, helping someone out usually feels good in and of itself.

Now I am also a businesswoman, and I understand that there are situations where there’s mutual back scratching.  For example, you may provide discounted services for your business to get sponsorship recognition of a community event.  Those situations are Quid-Pro-Quo, and they are distinctly different from doing a favor.  In Quid-Pro-Quo you openly discuss the terms of the exchange and have a shared understanding of the mutual give-and-take.  Unlike doing a favor or helping someone else where the only benefit to you is good karma and a happy heart.

In the end my parent’s and the other kids’ parent’s communicated with the teachers that we had felt hurt and left out.  The Teacher’s apologized and invited us (pariahs) to this special work-slumber party at school.  My Dad went to bat for me but in a manner in-line with the values he taught me.

Happy Father’s Day Dad – Thanks for everything you’ve taught me!

Admirables: George Ira Carroll (Part 2)

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander

Overcoming Adversity (con’t from Part 1)

After resigning, George traveled to Australia to visit with a friend for a week and a half. While he was there he contemplated difficult life questions like: “Who I wanted to become? What kind of life do I want to live? What kind of legacy do I want to leave?”

George Ira Carroll Thinking

Deep Contemplation!

At that time he also read Antony Robbin’s Unlimited Power “that book connected with me in a powerful way.” It led him on the path of personal development, which has become a beacon of hope and possibility for George.

He returned to the states and worked in Pharmaceutical sales for two years. But that position was also not satisfying for George as he refused to follow the sales formula choosing to focus on building meaningful relationships instead. “I’m a total nonconformist at heart.” So he decided to leave and continue on the path of personal development.

“That’s when I had a really powerful journey. I took 6 months off and I had saved up right around $30,000 and I took all that money and re-invested it back in me…I basically upgraded me in that 6 months…By the end of it, you know, my whole intention was to start a business but I had too much fear I was too afraid of failure” So he re-entered the corporate world for two months before he realized he wasn’t following his passion and said, “Screw it somehow someway.” That was three years ago when he started his own business.

Thriving Today

George has overcome those deep insecurities that had caused him so much pain and grief. “I’ve gotten to a place where I feel more like me than I ever have in my life and it just a gift to feel comfortable in my own skin after 30 years of not.” His journey of personal development and healing has provided a foundation for his entrepreneurial pursuits as well.

George Ira Carroll Networking

George Ira Carroll Networking

Todays George’s business is thriving. He offers coaching services, workshops and personal development DVD’s. His passion is to help entrepreneurs realize “the possibility that we could mold our life experience any way we want.” To do this he uses various techniques including Hypnotherapy, Neuro-Linguistics Programing, and other modalities for change, mixed in with his intuition.

George literally helps people re-wire their brains to unleash their potential. “Its about letting go of old programming and un-layering the onion to get to that core self.”

Through his process of deep self-discovery and actualization George empowers his clients to create the life and business they want for themselves. “We get so addicted to what is…the external environment and we can totally see past it. Once we change the patterns in our brain…we can have a whole new experience…It is really about going into our minds and visioning what we want to create.”

A dedicated life-long learner, George’s journey of personal and professional development continues. “I think that life is growth and when we stop growing we start dying.”

Mantras
Radical Appreciation – “I’m so grateful for…”

Values
Equality, Authenticity, Vulnerability and Transparency


It All Starts With Values

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander

 Knowing and understanding your values serves as a great basis for all of your decisions – personally and organizationally.  Consider values your ethical compass; they provide a clear and distinct direction for difficult and complicated decisions.  In order to be empowered by your values you must:

1) Identify;

2) Define and;

3) Consciously Practice Applying your core values daily.


Admirables: Dennis and Bailey Stenson (Part 2)

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander

(View Part 1)

Flourishing Today
Today, Dennis and Bailey nourish the community through their Farm, Happy Heart. This valuable community asset provides, fresh, local, organically grown food for CSA (Community Supporting Agriculture) members and sources to local restaurants. Using biodynamic farming practices, Dennis and Bailey grow nutritious kale, delectable garlic scapes, crisp snow peas, colorful beats, and sensational squash, among other crops. They are accepting new members if you’re interested.

 

A Rainbow Shines Over Happy Heart Farm

Happy Heart Farm has become a hub for community activities. The Larimer County Youth Conservation Corps has worked on the farm where they learned about composting, plant propagation, wedding and harvesting. There have been beautiful wedding celebrations hosted at Happy Heart, (where Dennis and Bailey are sure to dance ruts in the the proverbial dance floor). And there’s all the activities for members including, weekly pick-ups, a spring and fall festival, newsletters, and gourmet food tastings (yes please!).

Families Picking up their Shares

Their commitment to service and community has been further demonstrated by founding Friends of Happy Heart Farm. The mission of this unique non-profit is to provide locally grown, fresh, Biodynamic vegetables to families in need while celebrating self sufficiency and community by educating how food is grown, and how to prepare and preserve it. In 2011 Friends of Happy Heart were able to provide nutritious food to almost 20 families because of the generous support from area businesses, residents and other local farmers. Last October, Dennis and Bailey helped to organize a fundraiser to benefit Feeding the Families. The Heart of the Farm Festival, hosted at Avogadro’s Number, featured a silent auction, live music, face painting and of course dancing!

Bailey, the Butterfly Whisperer!

Values: Community; Serving – Doing what’s right; Self Realization; Leading from the heart

Mantras: It’s a dance, not a stance.
We’re not going to be given any tests that we’re not perfectly timed to meet.

Dennis and Bailey Enjoying the View on a Bike Trip

Introducing Admirables: Recognizing and Sharing the Stories of Respectable and Inspirational Individuals

Posted on by by Ariana Friedlander
Every day I am amazed and inspired by the actions of individuals in my community and beyond.  Another’s zest for life will rub off on me, their dedication to a cause will encourage my own resolve and their optimistic demeanor will brighten my day.  These are individuals that I admire, I look up to them with wonder as I aspire to reach even remotely within the heights that they have achieved.
I believe it goes without saying, that my Grandmother, was one such person.  I admired her tenacity, strength and passion for living.  More importantly, I respected her!  I respected my Grandmother, not only because she was my elder, but because she lived life with conviction and unwavering dedication to her values and was quite successful as a result.

Since I gain strength, wisdom, inspiration and perspective from those that I admire, I’m seeking these extraordinary individuals out.  It is my hope that by sharing their stories with you that you will gain inspiration as well!  I’ll call these people Admirables, individuals recognized for excellence in living according to their values and thriving in their careers.

Every month, I will share the story of an individual recognized as Admirables on Life Lessons with Rose.  More specifically, I will seek out to learn and share:

  • The values that guide them
  • The mantras or beliefs that they hold near and dear
  • And the defining moment when they had to hold onto their values in the face of adversity

They say that experience is the best teacher, so I urge you to tap into your empathy and learn from the experiences of Admirables.  

Would you like to nominante someone you know to be recognized on Life Lessons with Rose as Admirables?