Brené Brown is one of my favorite teachers of our time. Her ground breaking research on shame, vulnerability and living whole heartedly has transformed lives around the world. Brown’s authentic delivery of the material is as relatable as it is refreshing. She’s constantly digging deeper into the subject matter both as a researcher and as a lifelong learner. No matter which of her books you decide to explore first, you will be both challenged and encouraged to step into your own.
I would be lying if I said I never feel ashamed now. Humiliation happens, BUT it rarely becomes the trigger for the kinds of shame spirals I used to endure.
As a Misfit Entrepreneur I am often weighing my options in relation to how well they align with my true self. Such soul searching lines of inquiry can be difficult to sustain in meaningful and powerful ways. It doesn’t help that we live in a world cluttered with constant noise and triggers that activate our fear responses.
Discerning between who you truly are and who everyone wants you to be is a critical step in the journey. Understanding the presence of and my relationship to feelings of shame helped me to tease apart external pressures from my internal needs. Shame is defined as feeling humiliation. I don’t know about you, but the simple act of putting myself out there, a precursor for the Misfit Entrepreneur to turn their vision into reality, often triggers feelings of shame.
Brown calls moments when we dip into extreme negative self-talk, or the mean nasties, as a shame spiral. Learning this a few years ago was eye opening for me. I had a new lens for looking at and re-emerging from the extreme bouts of self-deprecation I had a tendency to enter into.
I wrote a lot about these ideas in my journal to help me process and understand how shame showed up in my life. I uncovered deeply ingrained patterns in my behavior that were self-defeating. Then I learned how to write new patterns that enabled me to safely explore the tensions inherent in living authentically so I could move past the feelings of shame I had become so accustomed to.
Here is my adaptation of reflection questions from Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection.
* Who do you become when you feel ashamed?
* How do you protect yourself from emotional exposure?
* Who do you call when you need to work through your feelings?
* What’s the most courageous thing you could do for yourself when you feel small & hurt?
– Adapted from Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection
I would be lying if I said I never feel ashamed now. Humiliation happens, BUT it rarely becomes the trigger for the kinds of shame spirals I used to endure. This work is a constant process of give and take, trial and error, experimenting and sustaining. As we make progress, we find new ways to share our stories and aspire to meet different and exciting challenges. Adding these types of reflection questions to your journaling tool kit will enable you to rise to the occasion!
What’s Rosabella Consulting Up To?
There’s no shortage of news here….Last week, I had the pleasure of presenting on Conversational Intelligence to a sold out crowd at Salt and Pepper Lunch Club. It was a lively and conversational presentation, and I was able to gift everyone a 3D model of the brain to take home with them…want one? You’ll have to come to one of my next presentations.
This week I completed a Conversational Intelligence training for the City of Greeley. And last month I hosted the first ever EntrepreNerds Conversational Catalyst Workshop. That’s just a sampling of the many recent successes we’ve had at Rosabella Consulting. Suffice it to say that school is in, the students are lining up and this teacher is ready for class!